Happy 2015!!!!

Ladies, we did it we survived another year of existence. How do you feel? I just know that this year is awaiting you with great expectation. I know some of you had some challenging days in 2014. I had my share of interesting chapters to add to my book of life. Some people had loss, promotions, confusion, sickness, relocations, depressions and some triumphs. Regardless of where you were, prays be to the Master of creation we survived  to add  to the pages of our life.

So what's the plan? Many people have a laundry list of New Years resolutions. New workout regimes, no more smoking, no more cursing, leaving negativity behind, starting a business, etc...
You know what I love about the turn of a new year? It is the unification of positivity in most people. Everyone wants and hopes to do something to better themselves. I love the concept that this positive vibration is happening. There is so much power in that. For as long as you have air in your lungs you are here with a purpose.

I challenge you for 2015 to tap into your purpose. How do I do that you ask? Well I am glad you ask!
Simply find a way to serve others or a cause and not let yourself be the focus. I truly believe when we find a space of selflessness our purpose is usually wrap in it. Purpose, what does that mean? Well here is the dictionary's noun and verb definition.

Purpose
Noun

1.The reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.

2. An intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.

3. Determination; resoluteness.

4. The subject in hand; the point at issue.

5. Practical result, effect, or advantage:

    to act to good purpose.

Verb

6. To set as an aim, intention.  

   to intend; design.

7.To resolve (to do something):

 

As you see above purpose is about performing an act, its aiming and intentional. For this year pay attention to what you are able to do for someone else to cause a change or help in a positive way, without effort. Try to pay attention to what selfless act makes you feel full and fulfilled. For me it is helping people, speaking life into people, and most of all I love to sing and worship God. I fill so full when I can do those things. Something about being able to be used intentionally to make a person or situation better is an amazing feeling. I ask you to please try it and see if this can become a new normal for you.

 

Well ladies, I am happy to be here with you, we will have so many intimate talks this year. We will tackle some hard topics but real essential ones. We will have fun getting fit, healthy physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Let's do it. Let's live on purpose with a purpose.

Love, Peace and Harmony your sister,

Dina

  

My turn to Vent Ladies....

Today the kids are gone for the weekend and I worked last night the grave yard shift. I came home this morning at about 7:30 am. I scanned the living room / dining room area and said to myself " I ain't touching a thing". I had purchased some breakfast from work  before coming home. I chit chatted with the Spanish chef about me being a vegetarian now and how I wanted my potatoes with veggies. So, I was looking forward to eating and going to sleep. I pushed everything off the couch onto the floor and took my shoes, bra, jewelry off and ate, drank my juice, turned the t.v. on and closed my eyes. Now, I open my eyes to find it is
 1: 37 pm.  I realized that I am still alone with no one to answer to. Hhhhmmm, I have nothing to do and no one to call. I take a moment to pray and read my devotionals. I then turned the t.v. to BET ( Black Entertainment Television).  It was a new movie showing with Omari Hardwick  as one of the main characters. I am a HUGE fan so I decided to watch it. Before I knew it I was watching  Saturday marathon of emotional stimulating movies that had me crying, laughing, reflecting and dreaming. WOW!! I am forty years old, and I am single(divorced), in school, single mother, working, and here I am on a Saturday alone spending it on the couch with BET.  Is there anything wrong with that picture?

I will say no. There is nothing wrong with that picture. Yes, I do wish I at times, I had maybe a significant other, to spend my quiet weekends with; when the kids are with their dad and his girlfriend. However, I am grateful for the break and that they are in GOOD hands. I just will not settle for anyone just to fill in a small void. I am single by choice.  I refuse to have a man in my life that I would not be proud for my son to model after.  Plus, my mantra is if he doesn't draw me towards God  then he is not for me. You know this time I am writing you ladies as my girls at a late night get together. I am doing a little venting. Considering this is what this blog is about. Its a place to be reminded you are not alone. I have to say being strong ALL the time is tiring. Sometimes I just need someone to say to me, "hey D, take a break I got this and you. Come here love let me give you a hug  and give you a massage," ! Yes, its my day to vent a little. It gets hard some days. I suppose the emotion makes me real and human. I stare at myself in the mirror and ask myself out loud, "Hey girl who are you? Truly.. Who do you believe that you are?". Hhhmmm, I look at my hair, my nose, I pick at my face, I look at my full lips, my body shape and I decided I am perfect in God's image. My heart is good, and consciences  is clear. I am not perfect but, with God's grace I am a working progress. Moving closer to my dreams and his purpose. Many don't know I sing. I take a moment to worship in song. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and tears fall from my eyes. I am grateful for were I have come from and trust in were I am going.  Praise due to the most high God for dwelling in me and my space.  Then I sat back on the couch a little sad and yet grateful. Its one of those days I believe I had to deal with my quiet.

To often we get uncomfortable to hang out with ourselves. We have to be in the space loving ourselves enough to be fine with the quiet. If I am not okay with it how do I expect someone else to be? I have grown sooo much since my divorce. I am getting to know myself differently. Every layer means something. I enjoy my children (son 11yrs and daughter 8yrs) so much more now. I am very present now when I am with them. Before, there was soooo much chatter in my head when I was with them. Just all the busy things mom's have to do and think about. Now, when I am with them the chatter shuts up and EVERYONE takes a back seat. I love that about myself. I really do. I want my sisters out there to know it is a good thing to get to REALLY know yourselves. Every layer, every emotion. It is how we evolve and grow. Yes, I get lonely sometimes then I remember what I enjoy to do and I embrace them. I plan to get out more. I don't get out much but, that is because school takes up my time but, I will make time to go to the movies or to an event. I will make time for my friends.
Thanks for listening to me today. I needed you all to do a little unloading. Enjoy your week.
Your sister loves you.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

Hello ladies it's been awhile. The constant moving and shaking of life just gets in the way of breathing at a normal pace at times. My thoughts today is about the value of women. As I observe day in and day out the movement and conversation of women. I can't help but to giggle. We are all so different and colorful in our looks,thoughts, our expressions, verbiage and opinion. Where does the image of ourselves come from? Some may say their mother. Others may say media or lack of certain components can shape us as women as well. The men we choose as mates can have a huge effect on how we view ourselves at time. The men in our lives that we declare our love for; how does he not value all of what you have to offer. The woman that sacrificed her body to extend the man's legacy. How does he value you when he dismisses your thoughts and opinions? To often we find ourselves in these relationships that we invest in only to wake up and not recognize ourselves anymore. How does that happen? How does the man WE CHOSE who have broken our heart;cause us from ever letting our hearts love again; when the very fiber of our makeup is encompassed around LOVE. We allow the brokenness to do so much damage. We own the pain to the point it cripples us in our finances, dreams, sexuality, self esteem, and worst our worth!! It is time to look mirror and have a heart to heart talk with the soul in you. You know the one closest to the Divine, God, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah and Jesus. There is that voice in you that tries to remind you how great you were together before you were coerced into the lies about your power and your worth. Tell the voice how sorry you are and how much you miss her. Tell her that this was not the plan and it is NEVER NEVER NEVER to late to change the situation. You may be afraid to make a move but it is pushing through the fear that provides growth and success. Don't be enslaved in your mind. Lets go to mental and emotional battle to reclaim who we are. That means every time your mind says I can't do this or you are not good enough, or pretty enough, you can't lose the weight, your not intelligent enough, I want you to replace it with I am a child of God heir to his thrown through him I can accomplish anything. Say it over and over until you believe it. Make this your new truth from now on. You are enough and let me be the first to say with my heart I LOVE YOU and ALL that YOU STAND FOR!!!!! Know that I am an ADVOCATE FOR YOU MY SISTER!! WE are CITIZENS of the HUMAN RACE!!!! Remember you are contributors of mother earth..RECLAIM!!

Life's interruptions !!!! Just Re-position your self!!

 Hello ladies it has been a while and I know you all are wondering where have you been sister? Well ladies I apologies for my absence. Since this is a platform to let your hair down with your girlfriends here it goes. I have been working really hard worth two jobs, in school and managing motherhood of an 11 year old boy and 8 year old girl. I was having a tough time getting motivated to write. Yes, it is the truth. I was all out of steam. I also had to deal with lacking sleep. I must say as you mothers and especially single mothers out there know it is tough being the CEO of your house. I was once married with my ex-husband's support to split the responsibilities.

Unfortunately that is not the case today. However I press on and do the best that I can.  It is amazing how in many cases (not all of course) men get to live their lives with their new found freedom and we get the bulk of the work. Well I could let bitterness occupy in my mind rent free but, I don't think so. I have to be my best me for my children. I re-positioned my mental self and embraced my skill-set as a mother. I refused to fall apart. I remember watching Oprah's Master Class the other night and Robin Roberts was the star speaking. I was preoccupied but listening at the same time. I heard her say "Be the leading lady in your world". I looked up and she was showing her journey through breast cancer. I popped up and told myself you are capable and wonderfully made by the most high divine God.. Get up and live your purpose.

Ladies re-position yourselves, the space in your minds, in your heart, home, jobs, and some of  the old baggage (dead beat boyfriends). Whatever the change it is an opportunity to grow and learn. One thing we can be certain of is change. I like to call them life interruptions. They happen in all our lives at one time or another. It could be the bombshell of a husband cheating, a surprise sickness, a foreclosure on a home, a misbehaving child or a sudden death of a close friend. Whatever the interruption, we are forced to push through. We are challenged in character, in integrity, in love, and maturity. We are guaranteed change. How you choose to adjust to the change is the key. You take that pain and transform it with prayer, chanting, meditating. You have to allow yourself quiet space so you can hear your inner voice. The voice that you were created with. It is your alarm clock; your warning signal.. It is there you conquer your thought, dreams, and ideals of yourself.  We should never let anyone take us out of character so much that we lose the core goodness of ourselves. Its just an interruption. The greatest revenge is success. So when these interruptions come into play the best thing you could do is re-position yourself and press towards success. You are more than worth it. Ladies it is GREAT to be back... Stay tuned.

Forgiveness "The Mental Gymnastics!!"

Forgiveness "The Mental Gymnastics!!"

Okay, ladies let's talk... There is a healing that needs addressing more then ever. I believe it is an EPIDEMIC of sorts!!!! It is the "Mental Gymnastics we put ourselves through just so we can justify our unforgiving behavior. Okay, now wait before you say "What do you mean unforgiving behavior?"
Well, as a health and wellness coach and a professional stylist; I speak to women everyday and I hear their pain, anger, bitterness, fear, broken spirit, callousness and watch how emotionally paralyzed they are. I remember that place. I remember how it crippled me of knowing and being the best version of myself.

 I plea to you ladies to start the work of letting go..  It is liberating. FORGIVENESS!!!!  It is like a breath of fresh air after being trapped in smoke for hours. In the smoke you cannot see clearly. It represents the thickness of the pain.
FORGIVENESS is  LETTING GO THAT THE PAST CAN NEVER CHANGE...
There are some things that people do to you that cuts deep and you are justified in not speaking to them anymore. Most times you may feel justified in your anger. However, in hind site they have you just where they want you. They are taking your power away from you. Usually, as you entrap the space that could be occupied with your greatness with malice and anger in your heart ; the other person continues on with life as normal. You to them is an after thought. Where there is un-forgiveness, there is anger. Where there is anger there is fear. Where there is fear there is pain. Identify with the pain that you fear. Face it head on. Tell it " I have packed your bags and you are evicted!"  You cannot change the past. Holding on to that pain or anger will only prevent your blessing.. Let the Universe fight the battle for you. There is Karma. You've heard it. "What goes around, comes around." Forgiveness is for you in your heart. You don't have to tell the person that you forgive them or even speak to them. Howevr, you can release them from housing space inside you. Vacate the premises immediately..

Let your heart function the way it was made to function; with love.. When you do re-introduce yourself to your heart. Tell it you apologize for starving it of its birth-right. Tell your heart you will never let anyone come between the two of you again. Then finally look in the mirror and say " I love you enough to NEVER let anyone still our joy... Please be clear that this will not happen over night. It will require a lot of mental gymnastics. However, every time you think of the circumstance say this. "Thank you for the opportunity to grow from this lesson."  Repeat that over and over again until it is your truth. Acknowledge your pain and move on. Bitterness and anger never gets tired just like fire. As long as you feed it. It will grow. So please Forgive!!! LET GO THAT THE PAST CAN EVER CHANGE...
 Remember that I am hear as your sister to hold you accountable for your GREATNESS!! Mediocrity is not an option. You deserve to be the very best version of yourself.
I am your biggest fan... Email me and ask me how I did it for details on specific advice. Till then your sister loves you...

The Language of Love.... Do you know it ?????

Alright so today is Valentines Day.... This is a day where many will scramble to create a special symbolic experience to hold as a memory. Ladies watch for flowers, chocolate and an outing to  dinner. Men run around at the last minute to pick up some flowers or cringe at the thought of the high expensive day that depletes their finances.
However I ask you this; does this truly display love? Does the lack of demonstration mean that the significant other doesn't love you? Hhhmmm!!!

You know often times we have  what we believe is a clear picture on how to love someone.
We take pride in treating our loved ones the way we want to be treated. Is that the right way?
Well I have been the victim of loving someone the best way I believe,  I would want to be loved. I put my best efforts out for display only to find it was not enough. I have also had some one give me their very best only to feel unfulfilled and empty. What was the problem?

Well I have embarked upon a great discovery a few years ago. It is the book called "The Five Love Languages " by: Gary D. Chapman. He explains in his book that; instead of loving a person the way you want to be loved; study them and figure out what their love language is. This way you can efficiently love them in their language instead of yours. Below is his philosophy and I urge you to take a peak. It changed my way of loving and it has been successful in all of my relationships. Even with my son and daughter. So as you dwell on what love is going to do for you today. First find out what your love language is. Happy Love day.

Chapman's Five Emotional Love Languages:

• Words of Affirmation
  This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.
• Quality Time
  Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.


• Gifts
  It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.


• Acts of Service
  Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.


• Physical Touch
  Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

Determining Your Own Love Language

Since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:

• How do I express love to others?
• What do I complain about the most?
• What do I request most often?

Speaking in your spouse's love language probably won't be natural for you. Dr. Chapman says, "We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough."

Emotional Experiences

The number one emotional experience reported by folks is feeling the presence of God in their lives. The emotional high of being in love (which generally lasts around 2 years) is the second highest emotional experience that people reportedly have.
That is why it can be so difficult to try and talk some sense into someone who is in the midst of falling in love. Chapman stated that obsessive love can render people mentally incompetent. "There's not much difference between being in love and being insane."

Fading Tingle and Empty Love Tanks

After the first or second year of marriage, when the initial "tingle" is starting to fade, many couples find that their "love tanks" are empty. They may have been expressing love for their spouse, but in reality they may have been speaking a different love language. The best way to fill your spouse's love tank is to express love in their love language. Each of us has a primary love language. Usually, couples don't have the same love language.

Tank Check

Dr. Chapman recommends that you have a "Tank Check" 3 nights a week for 3 weeks. Ask one another "How is your love tank tonight?" If, on a scale from zero to ten, it is less than 10, then ask "What can I do to help fill it?" Then do it to the best of your ability.

The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

COLOR BLIND WOMEN GOING LIVE!!!!!!!!!!

The Reclaimed Promise Ceremony!!!!

 Announcement!!Announcement!! 

 Ladies I am pleased to announce that this blog is going live and interactive 
in 2014.. This is perfect because this is going to be a dig DEEP intervention for the new year as it approaches. Ladies here in Boston  it is time that we create the support system you need. This is going to be awesome! We will be covering some real deal topics about men, money, spirituality, motherhood, being single, and passing the baton. Most of all we will be discussing how to love ourselves and how to be sisters to one another. All that I say in my blog is coming to you live . We will also have male speakers to give us insight on relationships from a male perspective. Please understand that this is not going to stop. We will meet regularly.. Join me and many others!! Nice!!! Right??  Come and defy all the myths that stand in our way of becoming the BEST VERSION of ourselves!!! When unified women come together GREAT things manifest. Join me!! 

NEXT WEEKEND!!!!!

The date: January 18th, 2014

Time: 7pm-9pm

Location: Dorchester YMCA
776 Washington Street
Dorchester, Ma 02124

Contact: Dina Shackleton 
Email : colorblindwomen1@gmail.com