Friday, February 14, 2014

The Language of Love.... Do you know it ?????

Alright so today is Valentines Day.... This is a day where many will scramble to create a special symbolic experience to hold as a memory. Ladies watch for flowers, chocolate and an outing to  dinner. Men run around at the last minute to pick up some flowers or cringe at the thought of the high expensive day that depletes their finances.
However I ask you this; does this truly display love? Does the lack of demonstration mean that the significant other doesn't love you? Hhhmmm!!!

You know often times we have  what we believe is a clear picture on how to love someone.
We take pride in treating our loved ones the way we want to be treated. Is that the right way?
Well I have been the victim of loving someone the best way I believe,  I would want to be loved. I put my best efforts out for display only to find it was not enough. I have also had some one give me their very best only to feel unfulfilled and empty. What was the problem?

Well I have embarked upon a great discovery a few years ago. It is the book called "The Five Love Languages " by: Gary D. Chapman. He explains in his book that; instead of loving a person the way you want to be loved; study them and figure out what their love language is. This way you can efficiently love them in their language instead of yours. Below is his philosophy and I urge you to take a peak. It changed my way of loving and it has been successful in all of my relationships. Even with my son and daughter. So as you dwell on what love is going to do for you today. First find out what your love language is. Happy Love day.

Chapman's Five Emotional Love Languages:

  • Words of Affirmation
    This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.
  • Quality Time
    Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.

  • Gifts
    It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.

  • Acts of Service
    Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.

  • Physical Touch
    Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

Determining Your Own Love Language

Since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:
  • How do I express love to others?
  • What do I complain about the most?
  • What do I request most often?
Speaking in your spouse's love language probably won't be natural for you. Dr. Chapman says, "We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough."

Emotional Experiences

The number one emotional experience reported by folks is feeling the presence of God in their lives. The emotional high of being in love (which generally lasts around 2 years) is the second highest emotional experience that people reportedly have.
That is why it can be so difficult to try and talk some sense into someone who is in the midst of falling in love. Chapman stated that obsessive love can render people mentally incompetent. "There's not much difference between being in love and being insane."

Fading Tingle and Empty Love Tanks

After the first or second year of marriage, when the initial "tingle" is starting to fade, many couples find that their "love tanks" are empty. They may have been expressing love for their spouse, but in reality they may have been speaking a different love language. The best way to fill your spouse's love tank is to express love in their love language. Each of us has a primary love language. Usually, couples don't have the same love language.

Tank Check

Dr. Chapman recommends that you have a "Tank Check" 3 nights a week for 3 weeks. Ask one another "How is your love tank tonight?" If, on a scale from zero to ten, it is less than 10, then ask "What can I do to help fill it?" Then do it to the best of your ability.

The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

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